I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
