so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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