wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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