I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
