you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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