Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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