Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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