Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize