Welp...herpes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Will exercising make me less horny?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize