You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
