I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
