First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
