There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
