So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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