The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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