True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
