Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
