I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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