let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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