i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
