I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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