Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
