if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
