So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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