Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
