Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
