So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
