The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Houston, we have a blender
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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