Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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