is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
