I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we're making bets on your personal life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
