I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize