im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
