if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
