dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
