What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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