there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
