is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
