fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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