Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
