yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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