So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize