your room smells of hookers.
And success
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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