Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
