Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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