apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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