Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
