After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
