Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
