ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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