i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
