If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
