i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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