is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
