The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize