I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
50% drunk capacity currently
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
