i was born a porn star she said
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
