I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
