i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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