I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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