Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
