He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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