I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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