The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
