drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so much tequila, so little girl.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
