i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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