Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
