watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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