i think my tv is drunk
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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