All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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