Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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