Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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