At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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