haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
