we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
