My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
