We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
