member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
