Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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