when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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