I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
