She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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