i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
