this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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