i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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