so let's talk penis.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
