did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
