I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
