God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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