I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
