He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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