Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
