We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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