he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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