I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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