I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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