He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
