angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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