i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize