I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
