Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
