whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
