he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
