wrigley field is MILF paradise
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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