my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
smell my finger.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
