Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
