i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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