dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
