So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
