whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
