I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
