How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're like the curious george of whores
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
