he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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