I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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