I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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