She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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