Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
