Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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