My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
