She's the barista slut.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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