Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I love having hate sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
