with your own penis?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
