Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A bitchslap is in order.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
