if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My vagina is very pro this idea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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