Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So much Jack, so little girl.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
