So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The power of my boobs compel you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
