i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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